An Open and Candid Invitation.

I was talking to a psychologist friend of mine quite recently about 'blogs' and he suggested that I write about the last 19 years of my life. My reply was simple; 'why don't you xxxx off.' Then I began to think, my life has never been glamorous or peppered by worldly experience but it has been different and perhaps, interesting.

To be frank...I have travelled little, I have never worked abroad, no; I have been tethered to the same small town that I grew up in, the one I could never leave. Some may say that I should of been more ambitious, more ruthless, cared less about others, but that's just not me. I have always been in for the long haul. And that sort of mentality has served me well. Especially in the places that I have 'holidayed' in. The places on the edge of the towns: the hospitals.

'Hospitals', have become over the years my hotels, restaurants and coffee bars, in which I have literally put my feet up and wiled away my days just waiting, always waiting for my brain tumour to return or a family member's cystic fibrosis to worsen. I think a lot about how 'massive' everything has become, how everything in my life has been reduced to 'life' and 'death' in it's barest sense. When you are in this place, it becomes really difficult to understand everyday life, you know, what's on the TV tonight, shall I eat out, what clothes to wear etc. Difficult and meaningless, that's it. 

People often say 'you're lucky. People die of brain tumours' and yes they are right in a very obvious kind of way, but living with the memories and the fear of re-occurrence, presents even more obstacles, irrational ones. My latest one is, 'will I wake-up in the morning.' Hence, sleepless nights are the norm!
This is how it goes on and this is what I'm going to do with this blog, just go on and on until I come to terms with some of my issues, by the way, I don't like using 'I' and 'My', but I suppose I have little choice.

If this is a too raw and random. I'm sorry. Just ignore the following.